Tag: the fruit of the Spirit

Nov
30
2011

Faithfulness (Greek, pistis; Antonym: disloyal or unfaithfulness)

This photo was taken in the final months of my grandfather’s life and while it might not be the most flattering photograph, it is an image of faithfulness for me. As you can see my grandfather looks ill and weary, but at the same time, as usual you also see my grandmother right by his side.

My grandparents for me have always been the image for me of what it means to be faithful. Going back to when they met—uncharacteristic of my grandfather, on the dance floor at a New Year’s party in the 1930′s, he spontaneously kissed my grandmother who he had just met. That kiss eventually led to a marriage that lasted fifty-five years. At the start of the Depression, and through various challenging times, my grandparents never wavered from their love and commitment to one another. Whenever you were with them, you saw very clearly how committed they were to one another. They were faithful to the very end.

So with this, faithfulness is the fruit of the Spirit that describes one’s trustworthiness and determination. Constant and devoted might be two other words we would use to describe a faithful person. The person with this quality keeps their word, their promises, and their vows no matter what the cost. As a model of being true to those she served tirelessly, Mother Teresa was quoted as saying, “I don’t pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.” In life, in difficult times, it can be so easy to give up, and yet the fruit of faithfulness asks us to hold on just a little longer.

Of course our greatest example for faithfulness is God. The Scriptures declare over and over that he will never forsake us, never give up on us. Let’s listen to a few passages:

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19)

I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself… O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you. (Psalm 89:2,8)

He remembers his covenant forever, the word he commanded, for a thousand generations. (Psalm 105:8)

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. (Isaiah 54:10)

These are just a handful of verses and these are just from the Old Testament. We could go on and on discovering that there are countless passages throughout the Scriptures that declare that God is always faithful—that he is trustworthy, determined, constant and devoted. Again and again, the Scriptures declare that his love for us is unfailing and not shaken—he is a God who is faithful to the end even to the point of sacrificing himself.

Obviously, when it applies to faithfulness we often think of marriage. As the French author Paul Carvel penned in a witty manner, “One thousand one night stands are no match to a single one life stand.” As attested by a divorce rate that at least half of all marriages fail, faithfulness can seemingly be impossible.  This is precisely why God gives very little room for the pursuit of divorce within marriage—he wants us to experience what it looks like to be faithful just as he is to us. To one person, He wants us to live out a commitment over the course of fifty years that even in those moments when it looks like there is little hope, we stay committed no matter what. Even though we want to be happy and fulfilled, we hold on. If we can be faithful like that, perhaps in a little way, we can experience a determination and devotion like He has for us.

To look at this from another angle, I have a story—some years ago, I worked with a man who had multiple affairs; he was often unfaithful. Time after time, he found himself in the arms of another woman falsely believing that she could make him happy. After his constant unfaithfulness, his wife left him and disappointingly, so did his church. Because of the unending lies and deceptions, I can understand why his wife did so; in ending her marriage, she was guarding her own heart (Proverbs 4:23) and attempting to heal from the many betrayals he had put her through. The sad thing was that all of his friends and community gave up on him as well, and that’s how he ended up on my doorstep in counseling. No matter what a person has done, we should never give up on them. While we may need to take a break from the relationship, to give up on someone for good is not what faithfulness is all about. Faithfulness, like love, always protects, hopes, and perseveres (I Corinthians 13:7). Just as Jesus never gives up on us, we should follow his example. This is the epitome of what it means to become a faithful person—even when there doesn’t seem like a chance that someone can change, we hang on in some way or another, because we know that Jesus has done the same for us at some point in our lives.

Questions you can ask yourself: how faithful a person are you: to your friends when they request you to make some sort of sacrifice, to commitments you make (do you too often find ways to get out of things?), to your commitment to God? How dependable or reliable are you? If you are married, how faithful are you to your spouse, especially in times of difficulty—do you run and hide or do you stay the course? Even if you have been married for thirty years, is your marriage thriving and are you there for your spouse in all ways: e.g., emotionally, spiritually, affectionately? In relationships other than marriage, how do you need to become more faithful in these—how do you need to become more trustworthy, determined, constant and devoted? What do you need to change in your life to become a faithful person?

In: Spiritual Formation
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Nov
10
2011

Goodness (Greek, agathosune; Antonym: moral or ethical evil)

Goodness is a hard word to get your arms around; it is a nebulous word and can mean many things. Benevolent, gracious, humane—these might words when one thinks of the word ‘good.’ What images come to your mind if someone were to say, “She did a good thing?” What did you picture this person doing? Did she hold the door open for someone? Did she anonymously send someone a card with a hundred dollars? Did she visit someone at the hospital who had failing health? Again, if you were to pour over a thesaurus and look at the synonyms for the word good, did she do an admirable thing? A valuable thing? An honorable thing? And what exactly would that be? As you can see from a language standpoint, the English word for good is a strange and vague word. However, when the Bible uses the word, it has a very distinct meaning and uses it in a way that is very decided in what it means.

To begin, agathosune, the Greek word for goodness, is a unique word that is found only in biblical writings. On the one hand, it is characterized as an active goodness; it is when I proactively do something ‘good’ for someone. Specifically, you can think of the word generous. But as we spoke about earlier, isn’t this just kindness? What then might be the difference between goodness and kindness? Aren’t they the same thing?  Here is the unique aspect of the biblical word agathosune: it is being generous with someone in some way, but also at the same time, offering spiritual help or guidance to them. This is the key difference between goodness and kindness.

When you are ‘good’ you help someone in some tangible way, but at the same time, you also offer the person some form of spiritual guidance through the situation. This could be an encouragement or a challenge in some way. Let me give you an example of both kindness and goodness. When I show someone kindness, I help them in some tangible way, perhaps I assist them in repairing their deck which has seen year of neglect. In doing this, we worked together and I helped them. That’s chrestotes—that’s kindness—nothing more, nothing less. If I were to show this same person goodness, I would help them with their deck, but then I would also help them in a tangible and spiritual way. Perhaps as we took a break over a cup of coffee I would ask them how they were doing and while we were talking, they shared a struggle they were having. This would be an opportunity I might have to offer some biblical into their situation. I might share a passage from the book of Proverbs or a good book that I recently read that might help them in the problem they are facing. This is an example of agathosune or goodness—spiritual care coupled with practical help.

The challenge with being a ‘good’ person is that it requires you to enter into someone’s life and offer direction. This sometimes might require a difficult conversation. What I have found with others is that they are really bad at doing this or too good in doing this. What do I mean by that? First, you can have one person who does not like to enter tough situations at all, and they avoid them at all cost. They know in their heart they need to bring up something with their spouse or a good friend, but to do so would mean calamity, chaos and hurt feelings and they don’t want to do that. On the other hand, you can have someone who is too good at having hard conversations and they do so at a moment’s notice and with a lot of calamity, chaos and hurt feelings! When a person like this goes into a conversation, they are usually not patient or gentle, and the words they share are hurtful.

To offer someone any form of advice or spiritual counsel requires three key ingredients: 1) you must be humble and you cannot talk down to the person; 2) you can only take the person as far as you have gone yourself in terms of life experience; and 3) you have to know how to genuinely listen. With regard to that last one, I have seen that some people when they are offering advice to someone jump in too soon and give the person their observations too soon. What sometimes works best is that instead of always offering answers to someone is to first ask them questions and allow the person to come up with solutions for themselves. So do you think your son is going to respond well to you if you share that with him? From the standpoint of the Bible, what kind of answers do you think it offers for what you are facing? That is a difficult spot your boss has put you in—what kind of decision do you think you should make in this instance? Empowering people—this is how Jesus often taught others—he often put the responsibility on them and asked them to find the right answer. This then can be another form of goodness.

Questions you can ask yourself: how good are you with others, doing something kind, but in the same breath, gently challenging them where they asked for help?  To grow in goodness, we need to step into uncomfortable situations sometimes; often this requires us to sacrifice ourselves in some way for someone (e.g., our time, money, etc.), but also to move into another person’s life and offer spiritual care. How good are you at that? In terms of your ability in confronting others, do you need to shed your fears and become more resolved in speaking with others or do you need to be more humble and gentle when offering advice or counsel? In this area, are you typically too timid or are you too harsh? What do you need to change in your life to become a ‘good’ person?

In: Spiritual Formation
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Oct
18
2011

Patience (Greek, makrothumia; Antonym: wrath)

For some of us, patience is a quality we admire, but it is one we don’t necessarily want to live out, especially when we are facing a difficult person or problem. In his satirical book The Devil’s Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce defined patience as “a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.” We especially like patience in others, but can also be lenient with ourselves. Patience or makrothumia (Greek) essentially means “long temper” as opposed to a person who is short-tempered. A word I like that is translated in some Bibles for patience is long-suffering—the quality of being to handle difficulty at great length. When the line is really long at the grocery story, I can practice long-suffering. When my child is being disrespectful and belligerent, I can put on long-suffering. When I feel like a good friend has “dropped the ball” in some way, I can be long-suffering.

To start, patience is the characteristic that never gives up, especially in times of adversity. In the opposite, the person who does not exhibit this trait is full of wrath and rage and it may come out at any moment. The impatient person is always giving up. This person does not know how to control their emotions and actions and may often do things which they later regret. An impatient person is never satisfied and can always find something that is wrong (see my own example below). Those who let impatience grow out of control can be people who are difficult to be around, because you never know how they are going to act and may lash out at a moment’s notice.

As with any of the fruit of the Spirit, when we don’t live them out, the consequences that we will experience can be be grievous and painful. The early church father Tertullian (c.160 –225) wrote, that “every sin is to be traced back to impatience.” It is the young woman who desperately wants to get married, and quickly marries a man who will bring her years of broken-heartedness. It is the guy who has to have something that is bigger and better and then after impulsively buying it, soon thereafter realizes he can’t afford it and then experiences the consequences for years to come when the credit card bills come due each month. It’s the parent who has had a long day, but then in the passion of the moment calls their kid “a $#!&% selfish brat” and to this day, their son or daughter still remember those cruel words (sadly, I once had a teen client who said her mom used words like this on occasion). The truth is that impatience often costs us sacred and important things in the future.

A unique characteristic with makrothumia, is that it requires you to not only overlook offenses done to you, but to also not take revenge on the person who has hurt you in some way. The 18th century philosopher Friedrich Schiller captured this aspect well with his words: “Revenge is barren of itself: it is the dreadful food it feeds on; its delight is murder, and its end is despair.” The person who exhibits this type of patience has the capacity to be wronged and not retaliate. The patient person can bear injury without the provocation to avenge themselves. Again, this is what is called long-suffering.  The early church father John Chrysostom (c. 349 − 407) defined it as “the spirit which has the power to take revenge, but never does so.”

When it comes to patience, a common modern phrase we may think of is what we call ‘staying power,’—to have the ability to endure hard events and difficult people in our lives. And this is the final important aspect of makrothumia—to be patient in the most difficult of situations often determines how patient you really are. It is easy to be patient when someone is kind or when facing a situation that does not hold any problems or challenges. Patience, is easily one of the fruit in my life that is not very healthy and at times, is withering on the vine. When things are going well in my life, I am especially patient. However, in some situations, I clearly see that I am not a patient person in the least. As one example, for one reason or the other, when we are packing to go on a long trip, I am extremely short-tempered and just no fun to be around. Nothing can get done quick enough; I am certain we are forgetting something that we will most definitely need; I am just a bundle of nerves. It is in times like these that God shows me really how patient of a person I am.

Questions you can ask yourself: how patient are you when the going gets tough? Look back over the last six months and try to remember especially stressful times—how well did you act and react at these times? Were you calm or were you crazy? Think of people in your life who challenge and frustrate you (e.g., your boss or a co-worker, your children, your spouse, etc.); how patient are you when they are being especially difficult?  To become more patient in your life, what should you do to become more calm in your demeanor? To become more patient, do you need to learn to become more quiet and learn how to be more easy on others, especially those closest to you? What do you need to do to change in your life to become more patient?

In: Spiritual Formation
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Oct
05
2011

As we con­tinue to look at the fruit of the Spirit, today we look at the char­ac­ter­is­tic of peace.

Peace (Greek, eirene; Antonym: strife and hostility)

Of all the fruit of the Spirit, strangely, peace may be the one that is most challenging to understand in terms of the meaning. When you ask someone what peace is, it can conjure up lots of images—the peace sign, a dove with an olive branch in its beak, or the infamous words, “Peace, Dude!” The word peace comes from the Greek word eirene; it is a unique and potent word and is the Greek equivalent for the Hebrew word shalom. Similar to the Old Testament concept of peace, it expresses the idea of wholeness or completeness. It is when the soul is unstirred and unaffected by outward circumstances or pressures. The word images the binding of two things that have been separated and therefore, one can think of the common expression of a person who “has it all together.” This would describe the person who knows peace.

In the New Testament, right at the start of the gospel story, we are introduced to this distinct word as the angels use it to announce the birth of the Messiah:

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth eirene among those whom he favors. (Luke 2:14)

Throughout the Bible, this verse reiterates a truth over and over about the fruit of eirene—it comes solely from God. As Isaiah concludes: “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3) You can’t just make peace happen and you can’t just conjure it up—the Prince of eirene has to become your peace (Isaiah 9:6).

Alongside this, the Bible also unequivocally states that how we live our lives can either bring peace into our lives or drive it away.  “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.” (Psalm 34:14) At another point in the Psalms, we poetically find it describing the relationship between righteousness and peace being held together as if in the union of a kiss (Psalm 85:10). That picture is important because it shows us that how we live our lives inevitably determine how peaceful they will be as well. How we live our lives on a daily basis, how we act and what we do, can bring peace or also push it away. If we act in accordance to God’s desires for our lives, our lives will be marked peace. When I think of it in this way, on the reverse, if we are determined to live life on our terms and not God’s—our life will be chaotic, difficult, and it will seem as if nothing is going the way we want.

But when you have peace, what does that look like in real time—what does it look like to live out eirene? Similar to chara or joy, this characteristic strongly suggests the rule of order in place of chaos. When a person exhibits peace in their life, they have a calm, inner stability that results in the ability to conduct themselves peacefully, even in circumstances that would normally be very trying or upsetting. Rather than allowing the difficulties and pressures of life to break them, a person who is possessed by peace is stable and poised.  To help you envision the word eirene, it is the root for the English word ‘serene’ which conveys the idea of utter calm and being at ease in any situation. When life is dire and disordered, there is a voice within that states, Everything is going to be okay. I remember a time in my own life when I was facing numerous challenges and I wanted to cave into fear and despair. As I was driving down a busy street one day, a sign caught my eye. It simply read: And this too shall pass. When I read those words, I remembered the peace that God had given me and I began to ease into the truth that he was going to take care of me even through the trying situation I was facing. At that moment, I decided to rest; I decided to discover the peace he had given me. I literally put on peace.

Questions you can ask yourself: how peaceful is your life? How well do you handle challenges under pressure? Do people regularly characterize you as being stable and poised, especially when facing difficulty or stress? To be a peaceful person, do you need to deal with issues of anger, bitterness and resentment in your life? Does your life live out the Proverb, “A heart at peace gives life to the body?” (14:30) To have a spirit of peace, we need to be on right terms with God—are there areas in your life which need change to make your life more peaceful? Are there poor choices that you are making in your life that you need to rectify and change? Thomas à Kempis is quoted as saying, “First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.” This being the case, what do you need to do to change in your life to become more peaceful?

In: Spiritual Formation
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Apr
12
2011

One of my favorite things to do is to listen to This American Life. If you haven’t tuned into it before, it is a radio program on NPR on Saturday’s (you can also download the podcast on iTunes) which offers real-to-life stories which can sometimes be funny, touching or thoughtful. Last week we drove down to South Carolina and when we take long trips like that, I usually listen to a bunch of episodes in a row. This time on our trip, I happened to listen to one episode which made me think about my own life.

The story was called DIY and you can listen to it if you click on the description below:

After four lawyers fail to get an innocent man out of prison, his friend takes on the case himself. He becomes a do-it-yourself investigator. He learns to read court records, he tracks down hard-to-find witnesses, he gets the real murderer to come forward with his story. In the end, he’s able to accomplish all sorts of things the police and the professionals can’t.

This story is amazing and sad all at the same time. It’s the story of a man who was innocent and had to endure 21 year of prison. It’s the story of a friend who believed in him so much he sacrificed many things to free him from an unwarranted sentence to life-in-prison.

In the story there was one part in particular that caught my attention. Early in the story, there is a detective who is investigating the murder of a young Jamaican man. In his laziness and desperation to solve the case, the detective believes whole-heartedly in the story of an eleven year old boy who everyone knows notoriously lies. Throughout the investigation, this detective also coerces others to indict a man who they also know did not commit the crime. The detective knows full-well the man he will send to prison is innocent, but he just wants to get the case off of his books. In the end, in these seemingly little things he does, this detective destroys two decades of a young man’s life.

For all intents and purposes, this detective had done an evil thing and this was most likely not an isolated event in his life. It was probably a pattern in his life. In these little things he did, in his laziness and coercion, this was the real man he was—he simply wasn’t a very good man at least not at this point in his life.

This is what caught my attention in listening to that part of the story – for most of us, it’s the little things we do or don’t do that make us into the people we become, either good or not so good.

Listening to that part of the story reminded me of that quote from C.S. Lewis that I posted last time on my blog:

Every time you make a choice, you are turn­ing the cen­tral part of you, the part of you that chooses, into some­thing a lit­tle dif­fer­ent from what it was before.

When reading the book of Galatians, you find one of the most important verses in the Bible which offers us what some of these “little things” are. It simply, but powerfully says:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

For me this is the most difficult verse in all of Scripture. In each of these qualities, I discover who genuinely I am. The words are invasive, asking difficult questions of myself:

Genuinely, how loving am I—especially to those who are strangers and those that I am not close to? How good or kind am I, especially if someone has been harsh to me? Under pressure or when I don’t get my way, how patient am I? When no one is looking, how faithful or self-controlled am I? These are just some of the questions this verse asks of me and you.

In my life, like yours as well, it’s the little things that count. This is where this verse hits hardest. This is where we need to be most mindful.

Hannah Arendt coined the phrase “the banality of evil” during her reporting of the trial of Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichmann. Arendt was struck by Eichmann’s demeanor during the trial—he seemed so ordinary, no different than her next door neighbor. She learned during this time of research that people who carry out unspeakable crimes are usually ordinary individuals doing evil in the little things they are accomplices to.

Based off of Arendt’s premise, goodness, like evil, must also be banal—it is in the little things we do that make us good. It is in the day-to-day life interactions and acts that we do that make us into the people we become. In the end, what makes us good is not when someone is watching, but rather in the little and secret things of our lives. In times like these, this is what makes us good or not so good.

ne of my favorite things to do is to listen to This American Life. If you haven’t tuned into it before, it is a radio program on NPR on Saturday’s (you can also download the podcast on iTunes) which offers real-to-life stories which can sometimes be funny, touching or thoughtful. Last week we drove down to South Carolina and when we take long trips like that, I usually listen to a bunch of episodes in a row. This time on our trip, I happened to listen to one episode which made me think about my own life.

The story was called DIY and you can listen to it if you click on the description below:

After four lawyers fail to get an innocent man out of prison, his friend takes on the case himself. He becomes a do-it-yourself investigator. He learns to read court records, he tracks down hard-to-find witnesses, he gets the real murderer to come forward with his story. In the end, he’s able to accomplish all sorts of things the police and the professionals can’t.

This story is amazing and sad all at the same time. It’s the story of a man who was innocent and had to endure 21 year of prison. It’s the story of a friend who believed in him so much he sacrificed many things to free him from an unwarranted sentence to life-in-prison.

In the story there was one part in particular that caught my attention. Early in the story, there is a detective who is investigating the murder of a young Jamaican man. In his laziness and desperation to solve the case, the detective believes whole-heartedly in the story of an eleven year old boy who everyone knows notoriously lies. Throughout the investigation, this detective also coerces others to indict a man who they also know did not commit the crime. The detective knows full-well the man he will send to prison is innocent, but he just wants to get the case off of his books. In the end, in these seemingly little things he does, this detective destroys two decades of a young man’s life.

For all intents and purposes, this detective had done an evil thing and this was most likely not an isolated event in his life. It was probably a pattern in his life. In these little things he did, in his laziness and coercion, this was the real man he was—he simply wasn’t a very good man.

This is what caught my attention in listening to that part of the story – for most of us, it’s the little things we do or don’t do that make us into the people we become, either good or not so good.

Listening to that part of the story reminded me of that quote from C.S. Lewis that I posted last time on my blog:

Every time you make a choice, you are turn­ing the cen­tral part of you, the part of you that chooses, into some­thing a lit­tle dif­fer­ent from what it was before.

When reading the book of Galatians, you find one of the most important verses in the Bible which offers us what these “little things” are. It simply, but powerfully says:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

For me this is the most difficult verse in all of Scripture. In each of these qualities, I discover who genuinely I am. The words are invasive, asking difficult questions of myself:

Genuinely, how loving am I—e pecially to those who are strangers and those that I am not close to? How good or kind am I, especially if someone has been harsh to me? Under pressure or when I don’t get my way, how patient am I? When no one is looking, how faithful or self-controlled am I? These are just some of the questions this verse asks of me and you.

In my life, like yours as well, it’s the little things that count. This is where this verse hits hardest. This is where we need to be most mindful.

Hannah Arendt coined the phrase “the banality of evil” during her reporting of the trial of Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichmann. Arendt was struck by Eichmann’s demeanor during the trial—he seemed so ordinary, no different than her next door neighbor. She learned during this time of research that people who carry out unspeakable crimes are usually ordinary individuals doing evil in the little things they are accomplices to.

Based off of Arendt’s premise, goodness, like evil, must also be banal—it is in the little things we do that make us good. It is in the day-to-day life interactions and acts that we do that make us into the people we become. In the end, what makes us good is not when someone is watching, but rather in the little and secret things of our lives. This is what makes us good or not so good.

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